Quotes on “humor”

Being a leader is making the people you love hate you a little more each day.

When I die of heart failure the next time you frighten me like that, you can put that on my gravestone—‘I didn’t mean to startle her.

I don't like it when I outweigh my men.

Why is it that all cars are women?" he asked. "Because they're fussy and demanding," answered Zee. "Because if they were men, they'd sit around and complain instead of getting the job done," I told him.

Are you going to tell me what that was about? Adam asked as we went back upstairs.Sometime, I told him. When we're telling ghost stories around a campfire, and I want to scare you.

It is one of those lessons that every child should learn: Don't play with fire, sharp objects, or ancient artifacts.

MS. THOMPSON, it said in heavy block letters, PLEASE KEEP YOUR FELINE OFF MY PROPERTY. IF I SEE IT AGAIN, I WILL EAT IT.

Where does a werewolf sleep? Anywhere he wants to.

Cheeses crusty, got all musty, got damp on the stone of a peach, I agreed. He looked blank, so I repeated it with proper emphasis. ChEEZ-zes crusty. Got Al -musty. Got DAMp on the StoneofapeaCH.

You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.

He had just about enough intelligence to open his mouth when he wanted to eat, but certainly no more.

If there is one thing I dislike, it is the man who tries to air his grievances when I wish to air mine.

It is a good rule in life never to apologize. The right sort of people do not want apologies, and the wrong sort take a mean advantage of them.

I know I was writing stories when I was five. I don’t remember what I did before that. Just loafed, I suppose.

What's the use of a great city having temptations if fellows don't yield to them?

You would not enjoy Nietzsche, sir. He is fundamentally unsound.

There is only one cure for grey hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.

I could see that, if not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled.