Quotes on “humor”

I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.

There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.

Why isn’t the word phonetically spelled with an f?

I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where’s the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

A cavalryman's horse should be smarter than he is. But the horse must never be alowed to know this.

I believe in equality. Equality for everybody. No matter how stupid they are or how superior I am to them.

I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.

Writer's block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.

I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch of blank paper.

I love money. I love everything about it. I bought some pretty good stuff. Got me a $300 pair of socks. Got a fur sink. An electric dog polisher. A gasoline powered turtleneck sweater. And, of course, I bought some dumb stuff, too.

I believe entertainment can aspire to be art, and can become art, but if you set out to make art you're an idiot.