150+ Hilarious Quotes That'll Make You Laugh Out Loud

What does ‘hmm’ have to do with anything? Could you ever use more than five words? All this grunting and minced words make you come across—primal.His smile tipped higher. Primal.You’re impossible.Me Jev, you Nora.

You don't happen to have a thousand dollars I can borrow? I don't have five you can borrow. My piggy bank is officialy anorexic.

Say 'provoking' again. Your mouth looks provocative when you do.

"Tacos." Tacos? I echoed.This seemed to amuse him. "Tomatoes, lettuce, cheese." I know what a taco is!

Alphabet: a symbolic system used in algebra, with applications that have yet to be discovered by dyslexics and two thirds of college graduates.

Graffiti is one of the few tools you have if you have almost nothing. And even if you don't come up with a picture to cure world poverty you can make someone smile while they're having a piss.

A recent survey or North American males found 42% were overweight, 34% were critically obese and 8% ate the survey.

Although I was able to maintain a pleasant expression, I was mentally throwing up in her face.

I am prone to envy. It is one of my three default emotions, the others being greed and rage. I have also experienced compassion and generosity, but only fleetingly and usually while drunk, so I have little memory.

Just as I had long suspected, a person didn't really need math for anything anyway. Maybe some people did. Some limited people.

There must be something wrong with those people who think Audrey Hepburn doesn’t perspire, hiccup or sneeze, because they know that’s not true. I n fact, I hiccup more than most.

My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I'm right.

The person who writes for fools is always sure of a large audience.

There are always some lunatics about. It would be a dull world without them.

The love of books is among the choicest gifts of the gods.

I'm not a psychopath, I'm a high-functioning sociopath. Do your research.

It is a great thing to start life with a small number of really good books which are your very own.

I don’t believe in astrology; I’m a Sagittarius and we’re skeptical.

Let me ask you a question Alex. What do you think is the greatest evil on this plant today? Is that including, or not including you?

There's only one rule you need to remember: laugh at everything and foget everybody else! It sound egotistical, but it's actually the only cure for those suffering from self-pity.

People who entered the Courtyard without an invitation were just plain crazy! Wolves were big and scary and so fluffy, how could anyone resist hugging one just to feel all that fur?Ignore the fluffy, she muttered. Remember the part about big and scary.

Basically, everyone thinks--knows--how sweet I am.Emma, you threw my sister through hurricane-proof glass.

I was supposed to write a romantic comedy, but my characters broke up.

Who wants to go down the creepy tunnel inside the tomb first?— Riley Poole