150+ Hilarious Quotes That'll Make You Laugh Out Loud

Sometimes you just have to pee in the sink.

It's probably a bad indicator of your lifestyle when you miss your ex-boyfriend because he's absolutely lethal.

You are speaking of my future lover. Be more respectful.

Don't bite off more than you can chew because nobody looks attractive spitting it back out.

There's no room for demons when you're self-possessed.

Professors of literature collect books the way a ship collects barnacles, without seeming effort.

A literary academic can no more pass a bookstore than an alcoholic can pass a bar.

People talk too much. Humans aren't descended from monkeys. They come from parrots.

But the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown.

The nuclear arms race is like two sworn enemies standing waist deep in gasoline, one with three matches, the other with five.

Maybe our girlfriends are our soulmates and guys are just people to have fun with.

The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.

It's difficult to see the glass ceiling because it's made of glass. Virtually invisible. What we need is for more birds to fly above it and shit all over it, so we can see it properly.

Adventures are never fun while you're having them.

She's the sort of woman who lives for others - you can tell the others by their hunted expression.

Creativity is knowing how to hide your sources

Someday we'll look back on this and it will all seem funny.

If you're right & I'm not, I'm going to be hell to live with, she said. So, you better think about that next time you want to be right.

I don't really like coffee, she said, but I don't really like it when my head hits my desk when I fall asleep either.

Your job is to focus on my personal happiness, she said, & I've got big plans, so break time is over.

A few said they'd be horses. Most said they'd be some sort of cat. My friend said she'd like to come back as a porcupine. I don't like crowds, she said.

I try to avoid having thoughts. They lead to other thoughts, and—if you’re not careful—those lead to actions. Actions make you tired. I have this on rather good authority from someone who once read it in a book.

Elend: I kind of lost track of time…Breeze: For two hours?Elend: There were books involved.

You should try not to talk so much, friend. You'll sound far less stupid that way.- Breeze