150+ Hilarious Quotes That'll Make You Laugh Out Loud

TV and the Internet are good because they keep stupid people from spending too much time out in public.

To summarize the summary of the summary: people are a problem.

My capacity for happiness," he added, "you could fit into a matchbox without taking out the matches first

The fact that we live at the bottom of a deep gravity well, on the surface of a gas covered planet going around a nuclear fireball 90 million miles away and think this to be normal is obviously some indication of how skewed our perspective tends to be.

I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.

If I ever meet myself,' said Zaphod, 'I'll hit myself so hard I won't know what's hit me.

I think fish is nice, but then I think that rain is wet, so who am I to judge?

The Guide says there is an art to flying", said Ford, "or rather a knack. The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.

The Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy also mentions alcohol. It says that the best drink in existence is the Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster, the effect of which is like having your brains smashed out with a slice of lemon wrapped round a large gold brick.

One of the things Ford Prefect had always found hardest to understand about humans was their habit of continually stating and repeating the very very obvious.

He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife.

Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.

I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer

Space is big. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mind-bogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think it's a long way down the road to the chemist's, but that's just peanuts to space.

He attacked everything in life with a mix of extraordinary genius and naive incompetence, and it was often difficult to tell which was which.

Nothing travels faster than the speed of light, with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws.

I think you ought to know I'm feeling very depressed.

If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have on your hands is a non-working cat.

It can hardly be a coincidence that no language on earth has ever produced the expression, 'As pretty as an airport.

Would it save you a lot of time if I just gave up and went mad now?

The impossible often has a kind of integrity to it which the merely improbable lacks.

My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre and that I am therefore excused from saving universes.

The story so far:In the beginning the Universe was created.This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.

We have normality. I repeat, we have normality. Anything you still can't cope with is therefore your own problem.