Quotes on “humor”

Three be the things I shall never attain: Envy, content, and sufficient champagne.

Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses.

Four be the things I'd have been better without: love, curiosity, freckles and doubt.

RésuméRazors pain you,Rivers are damp,Acids stain you,And drugs cause cramp.Guns aren't lawful,Nooses give,Gas smells awful.You might as well live.

Nothing's a better cure for writer's block than to eat ice cream right out of the carton.

I am a believer in free will. If my dog chooses to hate the whole human race except myself, it must be free to do so.

You must admit I have a right to live in a pigsty if I want.

My shining dishonesty will be the salvation of me.

What a strange family you are! Is your name Lettie too?

Look. Survey. Inspect. My hair is ruined! I look like a pan of bacon and eggs!

I can't abide people who go soft over animals and then cheat every human they come across!

It's not that I want you to go, it's just that I don't want you to stay.

Plans are invitation to disappointment.

I swear, talking to you is like talking to a really good-looking and mildly stupid brick wall.

We're not retreating, we're advancing in reverse.' --Skulduggery Pleasant

Being a detective isn't all about torture and murder and monsters. Sometimes it gets truly unpleasant...The fate of the world may depend on whether or not you can bring yourself to visit your relatives.

I like video games, but they're really violent. I'd like to play a video game where you help the people who were shot in all the other games. It'd be called 'Really Busy Hospital.

Speed eliminates all doubt. Am I smart enough? Will people like me? Do I really look all right in this plastic jumpsuit?