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...it is well known that a vital ingredient of success is not knowing that what you're attempting can't be done.

Five exclamation marks, the sure sign of an insane mind.

This was not a fairy-tale castle and there was no such thing as a fairy-tale ending, but sometimes you could threaten to kick the handsome prince in the ham-and-eggs.

This isn't life in the fast lane, it's life in the oncoming traffic.

The whole of life is just like watching a film. Only it's as though you always get in ten minutes after the big picture has started, and no-one will tell you the plot, so you have to work it out all yourself from the clues.

She got on with her education. In her opinion, school kept on trying to interfere with it.

Progress just means bad things happen faster.

The purpose of this lectchoor is to let you know where we are. We are in the deep cack. It couldn't be worse if it was raining arseholes. Any questions?

In theory it was, around now, Literature. Susan hated Literature. She'd much prefer to read a good book.

Time is a drug. Too much of it kills you.

Some things are fairly obvious when it's a seven-foot skeleton with a scythe telling you them

You can't give her that!' she screamed. 'It's not safe!'IT'S A SWORD, said the Hogfather. THEY'RE NOT MEANT TO BE SAFE.'She's a child!' shouted Crumley.IT'S EDUCATIONAL.'What if she cuts herself?'THAT WILL BE AN IMPORTANT LESSON.